February 17, 2009

Someone who doesn't judge me

In the TV series CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (episode Big Middle (#5.16), 2005) there is an intriguing quote by leading character Gil Grissom:
Greg Sanders: So what do you like? What gets your juices flowing?
Gil Grissom: Someone who doesn't judge me.
I think this is interesting because I think people indeed often dislike to be judged. Even when the judgment appears to be positive it can be quite irritating. It feels as if the person places himself above you. It can be especially annoying when the person pretends to know something about you that you yourself don't know.

Maybe this quote by Grissom illustrates why the attitude of not-knowing in solution-focused coaching seems to work so well. We don't judge what the person is saying and we don't judge the person. We accept what the client says and work with that.

More and more solution-focused coaches are changing the way they compliment clients too. We don't compliment the trait but we compliment what someone has done (see: PROCESS PRAISE more effective than TRAIT PRAISE). Moreover, we often don't compliment directly but indirectly (Indirect compliments).

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